How to Lose More Friends and Alienate Even More People with Email

As a follow-up to my post on How to Lose Friends and Alienate People with Email series, I've been collecting additions from people who commented and emailed me about other practices that irritate them.  Here are some additions to the list:

• Mention an attachment and don't attach one - Ah, the simple things in life...
• When you send an attachment, make it from one word processor - We know that everyone has and loves Microsoft Word, right?....right?...Hey, c'mon, I can hear you breathing out there!
• When you have an memo to send, write it in Word (see above) and just "Send as..." and make it an attachment - Why bother trying to simply put it in an email body, you have more important things to do.  You didn't know how to do it anyway, right?  C'mon, did your employer really provide email training?  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
• Use email to send announcements - "Where is my cellphone?  Has anyone seen it?"  Remember, email turns everyone into your personal servants.  After all, you can't be expected to keep track of the little things.  You have bigger things on your plate and remember -- If it's important to you, it's important to everyone, right?
• Use email to chastise everyone - "Stop using the networked printer to printout your personal items!  The next time I see that being done, heads will roll!"  There's nothing like accusing everyone, right?  They're all guilty anyway.
• Give an opinion and don't state what about - "That's cool!", "I appreciated your help yesterday", and "Were your serious about that yesterday?" in an original message (not a reply) will keep them wondering all day.  One of my favorites is to send one to an acquaintance of the opposite sex, "I can't believe you said, "Yes!"  My parents can't wait to meet you!"
• Send an empty email - Short and quick.  Several of these during the course of the day will make you popular.

And finally, my ever-lovin' favorite:

• Forward all chain letters!! - Yes, everyone loves a good chain-letter.  The warm thoughts of a Bill Gates check coming to a co-worker in the mail for simply forwarding emails will make people love you.  Also, the thought of helping a Nigerian attorney get a rich widow's inheritance to the U.S. by using their bank account for a cut of 28 million dollars gives your friends a chance to do something nice for someone else and feel good about themselves.  Plus, you are providing a way to bring them good luck by passing many of them on.

DISCLAIMER!! (I can't believe I actually have to do this...)

My two posts on poor email etiquette were overwhelmingly popular.  So, let's be clear:  These three email posts are what NOT to do.  I was hoping everyone would see/hear/feel the sarcasm as I tried to make each post drip with it, but that wasn't the case for a few folks.  It's just that by adding a little humor and presenting information with an unusual slant will sometimes help make a point in a more effective way.  After all, look at the Superbowl commercials!

Thank you to all of you who added to our list!

So for you faithful readers (as well as you first-timers) I have a little gift for you.  Send this to your friend the next time he/she sends you a chain letter and needs a good shaking!  Enjoy!

Chain Letter Video - A little gift from me to you via Marc Orchant's blog

Sources

• How to Lose Friends and Alienate People with Email - Pt. 1
• How to Lose Friends and Alienate People with Email - Pt. 2

Related Links

• Marc's Outlook on Productivity
• Superbowl Ads - You're going to love these! (Warning--You have to have Active X installed to view)

Comments

[Walter]

My favorite: Take a long (very long) email chain conversation - one that would take 10 minutes to read thru. At the top, put "what do you think?" then forward it out to 10 people.

[Charles Martin]

Oh, and be certain on that email chain conversation that it has at least one insulting remark from the other person directed at one or more individuals to whom you forward the email. This will also make the response of "what do you think" more peppy and colorful.

[Charles Martin]

P.S. I made that mistake once... just once... had a conversation with a friend of mine about something that really annoyed me about my wife... after the conversation progressed, we decided to get together that coming weekend so I forward the conversation to my wife to let her know about our plans... oopsie... forgot to delete part of that conversation.

[wyn]

Hi,

Regarding Bullets 2, 4, and 5, I was wondering what suggestions you had in mind. The following alternatives, I had in mind and some people practice, I can deal with.
2. Someone could convert a document to PDF and hope it converts properly. Otherwise, across different (sufficiently up-to-date) operating systems, Word docs will open pretty well - even in Linux, with Open Office.
4&5. I personally think this is acceptable and wonder what your opinion is about it. I think people should restrict these emails to those it is most important to (like your department, if you left a phone lying around there), and then it can be helpful if the sender provides enough information in the subject line so you might not have to even open the email.

[Charles Martin]

#2 is only annoying when sending to a group of people who may or may not have the same software installed on their machine (I was constantly annoyed at one job where I received MSProject files and only one or two employees in the department were actually given permission to have MSProject; in this case, they should have posted the file to a network drive and just included a link to the file for those who did use the application). Usually this group of people extends beyond the company to possibly include family, friends, clients, etc.

#4 is very much similar to #5 in that the lost cell phone is a personal issue, not a company issue. You're interrupting every reader's lives with your own personal problems. Don't lose the stupid phone. And don't email the entire department when you do.

For #5's example of the abuse of the network printer, it would be better to post a sign above the printer noting the company's policy(ies) related to personal use of company equipment. In many cases, rants or complaints are better addressed in person or in a more generic forum than to waste time complaining about one issue that 99% of the employees understand (this includes dress policies, use of lunch hours, etc.). In fact, to use this method to berate a single employee is no different than publicly humiliating them for something that a small simple discussion outside the office would clear up. It lowers morale when you will receive an email every time someone screws up something so unimportant.

[Charles Martin]

One more thing about #4... It invariably leads to a flame storm. Someone is bound to respond complaining about the interruption the email caused... and usually they copy every recipient. Thus, not only was everyone interrupted by someone's forgetfulness, but then they're interrupted a second time to see someone complain about it. This could go back and forth making everyone angry about it all.

[Bert]

As for #2, if you are sending an internal email where all employees use the same word processor, then using it is perfectly fine. When I'm sending an email to someone where I don't know what word processor they use, I try to put my information in the body of the email or send the attachement as text only.
#4 - Using email for announcements for the entire staff is fine - if they involve the entire staff. However, I have had people on my staff who routinely lost items time and time again. It gets old.
As for #5, as a supervisor, I go directly to the person I have to correct. In the first place, an email lacks the visual impact of sitting across from the boss and being held accountable for a mistake. It fosters low morale and anger for all employees to be corrected in a public manner for the sins of one. Trust me, most of the employees know who did it anyway and under their breath, they are saying, "Why doesn't he just go to Joe and deal with that?" If the supervisor doesn't know who is doing what, it's time to get out of the office more.

Charles-- I think you and I are on the same wavelength on this! :)

[Kyle]

These are better. (For the record, I understood your last post was sarcastic, we just have opposite viewpoints on read receipts -- I think configuring your client not to send them is perfectly reasonable.)

That said, #1 is usually not intentional the way many of the others are. I think we've all done it from time to time, and no one's doing it thinking that somehow it's the Right Thing to Do. It would be nice if mail clients would look for the word "attached" in your text, then if there's no attachment ask the user if one was intended.

[Tony]

"Tony?"

Read receipts are the worst things on the planet. Well this is completely untrue. There is a worse thing. I absolutly *hate* receiving an email about a problem (usually a list of emails in communication discussing a problem) and when it finally gets to me (the person expected to resolve the problem) the email directed to me has my name and a question mark. As if I do not even deserve a full sentence. Instead of posting a full email asking for my help and pretending to be courteous, management sends me one of these. Anger boils out of me when I see these.

[Bert]

Yes! I agree! In my building, the procedure is to simply type, "Please handle", and then forward it. Yet another addition to our list!

Thanks, Tony!