Open Loops

Fogging: One Communication Technique to Deflect Criticism

Those of us who communicate for a living, whether it be presenting in hotel conference rooms, at conferences, communicating to the stakeholders of our organizations or simply talking with those with whom we come into contact during our normal everyday activities have to deal with individuals who feel like they have to put us down.  No matter how eloquent we are, dealing with a heckler in front of an audience, an adversary in the boardroom or a bully on the street causes many of us to go mute.  When that happens, our credibility goes mute with it.  Although people loathe a bully, their victim loses a lot of power as well because people don't respect someone who is beaten down by a bully.  They pity them.  They feel sorry for them.  They are embarrassed for them.  But, they don't respect them.  What they do respect is someone who is able to stand up to a bully.  More exactly, they respect someone who is able to stand up to a verbal bully and do it with class.

Remember the Steve Martin movie, "Roxanne"? Martin plays a local fire chief who has to deal with the occasional comment about his extremely oversized nose.  The most memorable scene is set in a local bar when a bully makes a point to harass Martin's character, C.D. Bales, about his nose.  In a wonderful twist, Bales pokes fun at his own nose while at the same time putting the bully in his place.  In my theater, the crowd wound up applauding the skill with which it was done.

We may not have the innate humor of Steve Martin with which we can fend off verbal barbs, however, there is a simple skill that allows us to face the biggest put-down monster in the crowd and do it with class.  That simple technique is called fogging. 

Storming the Matrix: Can You Live Online?

In the movie, "The Matrix", the hero spends all his time trying to escape from living in a computer generated world.  It's funny to think that there are those of us who would prefer the opposite, and want to storm the matrix to get inside, living completely in a digital world.  We are coming very close to that with web apps that are improving each day to the point that it is very tempting.

Is it possible that one can do everything one needs to do to accomplish required tasks and achieve goals by using online tools only?  That question popped in my mind years ago when I read a quote from Bill Gates who said that the future would be oriented to an online world and that Microsoft would lead the way.  Since then, with the proliferation of WiFi hot spots, home wireless networks and wireless cards for laptops, as well as the new Google Gears that allow web applications to work offline, that future is close to being here.  However, Microsoft is not leading the way.  Instead, one of Microsoft's top officers stated that they are now years behind other companies in preparing viable web applications that Bill Gates promised.  Other companies, however, have blazed the way with webapps that promise everything that installed software promises -- but are available anywhere, anytime, on any computer.

How to Deal With An Irate Person

Many times, during the course of a day, we have to deal with irate people.  Whether we are in Customer Service and dealing with angry customers or school administrators dealing with angry parents, handling an irate person and being able to lead them to a more calm — and logical — state can be a very desired skill.

The most common mistake that people make is to assume that when someone is out of control, we should calm our voices to model the desired state we wish the person to have.  The assumption is that the other person will match us and a calm and logical conversation can then take place.  Unfortunately,  this rarely happens.  Instead, because of the calm demeanor, the complainant doesn’t feel heard.  Their rationale is that since the listener is not as outraged as they are, they must not have been listening or they don’t believe what was shared.  The result is no trust so the person remains angry and outraged.

Texting Etiquette

I’ve had some major life changes happen in the last two months.  As a result, I’ve changed the way I’ve done many things.  One thing that I’ve been doing more of is texting from my cell phone.  Just like email, I’ve noticed that there appears to be some right and wrong things that are being done when people send texts to me.  There are also things that people do that drive me crazy.  So, here’s a few Do’s and Don’ts for all you texters out there:

• Don’t replace all communication with texts.  It’s the same within a business environment as it is with personal relationships, texting cannot communicate those subtle nuances that accompany face-to-face meetings or even phone calls.
• Don’t deliver bad news by text – See the source article below!
• Texts should be short and sweet – Verizon says that anything over 160 characters should be an email.
• Don’t expect your text to get to your recipient the minute you hit “send”.  I’ve seen messages take days to get there.  If it’s time sensitive, call.  I sent one text in reply to one that I received and it was delivered the following day…at least 30 times.  My recipient sent me one back saying, “Make it stop!”
• Don’t send texts while under the influence…bad move.
• Check the recipient’s number BEFORE you hit “send”.  Your boss might not like receiving the love letter you thought you sent to your girlfriend.
• Use texting for messages that cannot be misinterpreted.
• Do not send texts to friends when you are with someone else.  Reading and sending texts when with someone else (while on a date, for example) tells the one you are with they are less important than the one you are texting.  This doesn’t apply when just hanging out with others.
• Do not text while driving — Ever.
• Surveys show that many people find the shorthand messages that others send to them as difficult to read and understand.  Consider using predictive text software that makes texting faster and less frustrating.

What are some best practices for short texts that you can add to this list?

Source:  U r sckd: worker fired by text message

ILRP

The Negative Perception of Talking Too Much

Last month, a teacher came to me for some help.  He wanted to move to a different school district, which required applying and progressing through a series of interviews.  He asked for coaching assistance for the interview stage of the process.  This is something that I often do for teachers, since I have some knowledge of what they will face.

Meeting with the teacher, I coached him as to what school administrators looked for in a prospective teacher.  I advised him to keep a few key things in mind about how to probe to find the school’s weakness that they were trying to bolster with the new hire and how to “sell” his skills to solve that particular principal’s needs.  As I began the first practice interview to establish a baseline from which to measure his progress, something became very clear:  He couldn’t stop talking.  I would ask a 30 second question and he would drone on and on for at least 10 – 15 minutes — or so it seemed.  He lost me very quickly, as his topics branched off in unpredictable tangents.  Targeting this bad habit, we conquered it and was able get him to be concise.  He got the job.

Brevity is king in the business world.  Resumes and memos should be no longer than one page.  Speeches should be 15 minutes or less.  Jack Valenti, president of the Motion Picture Association of America, advised even shorter speeches for those following other speakers on a program, even down to just a few minutes for those speaking after the meal or at the end of the program.   Pitching a product or song?  You’ve got 30 seconds to hook the customer, otherwise, they are gone.  Web pages designed for reading should be a screen length with very little additional scrolling involved; the same should be held to emails:  one screen length…one topic.  Making a good impression?  Studies show that a human being takes less than three seconds to form a perception of a new person.

Learn to be concise.  Learn to brief.  Then, learn to be quiet…and just breathe.

ILRP

Considerations for Presentation Preparations

Leon Ho, over at Lifehack.org, usually fills his posts with what he finds as he surfs the web.  The result is a great site that everyone should visit to get great information on a variety of hacks.

In this post, however, he finds himself heading to a conference where he will be speaking.  He lets us in on his inner thinking as he prepares for his presentation.

"I owe them a good performance. This post is some of the mental workings that I think are important to consider before giving a presentation. My goal in presenting them to you is that you’ll think about these same points before making your next presentation. "

This is good stuff for those of us who do public speaking.

Taming Your Outlook Inbox

Richard Kuo's Personal Blog : Optimize your life #3 - how to manage e-mail effectively (1/2)

Those of you who read my email rant last year, know that I stand among those who say that misuse of email is the biggest waste of productivity that I know.  Richard Kuo adds a little more information on how to make Outlook heel, sit-up, roll-over, and play dead instead of dragging you out of your office for a walk when it wants to.  Check out his two articles to see how to silence new mail notifications and to configure your personal folders to be GTD-friendly.

Public Speaking, Steve Jobs, and Professionalism

Guardian Unlimited Technology | Technology | Behind the magic curtain

I am a public speaker.  It’s not that way by my design, however.  If I had my way, I’d slink off to the back of the crowd and be happy to blend in.  However, despite my introverted tendencies, my employment position requires that I spend time in front of various audiences.  From students, to classroom teachers, other administrators, parents, citizens of our city, and government officials, I often find myself in front of audiences. 

Although I’m a perfectionist, it is interesting to note that I’m not that way in front of a crowd.  While others will spend too much of time preparing for a speech, I’m often happy to map out the major points I want to make and then speak without the benefit of notes.  Most times, I’m happy with the outcome.  I know, though, that more preparation time provides me more confidence during the speech and a better quality “product”.  That is why I joined Toastmasters International after talking by email to Steve Pavlina about his experiences in Toastmasters.  I wanted the discipline and structure I would gain in Toastmasters to support my public speaking efforts.  Toastmasters has given me this and so much more.  I spend more time in preparation and, as a result, my message is more clear, my timing is improving, my arguments more compelling, and my presentation skills improved.

Google Talk -- Will Anyone Listen?

Google to Deliver Instant Messages - Los Angeles Times

Continuing its rapid expansion into new product categories, the Internet search giant plans to launch an instant messaging program called Google Talk as early as Wednesday, according to people familiar with the service.

It appears that Wednesday might be an interesting day as Google may unveil a new IM service.  It may be an uphill battle as many people, once they have adopted an IM service, are hesitant to dump what is tried and true for something new and untested, especially when they are not sure if their friends and family will switch with them.  Those friends and family may not switch because of their friends who may not want to switch.

In addition, it may be a matter of “been there done that”, as others are saying that Google’s product won’t break any new ground.  Their IM will simply have the same features as those that are already out there.  Now, if Google came up with a cross-platform IM that would communicate with AIM, Yahoo, and MSN messengers…hmmm…now that would be interesting.

It will be interesting to see what comes of this new product.  I’ll hold my opinions until I get my hands on it.

via theunofficialyahooweblog

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email - Pt. 2

Sending email to aggravate someone is easy.  There are so many tactics at one’s disposal.  Initiative is even on the side of the sender.  But, if there is a person who has gotten your thong in a knot and they seem to be begging for a good pimp-slapping, there are some things that you can do when you're on the receiving end of the email.  The amount is not as copious as for the sender, but they can be just as effective.