Open Loops

How to Deal With An Irate Person

Many times, during the course of a day, we have to deal with irate people.  Whether we are in Customer Service and dealing with angry customers or school administrators dealing with angry parents, handling an irate person and being able to lead them to a more calm — and logical — state can be a very desired skill.

The most common mistake that people make is to assume that when someone is out of control, we should calm our voices to model the desired state we wish the person to have.  The assumption is that the other person will match us and a calm and logical conversation can then take place.  Unfortunately,  this rarely happens.  Instead, because of the calm demeanor, the complainant doesn’t feel heard.  Their rationale is that since the listener is not as outraged as they are, they must not have been listening or they don’t believe what was shared.  The result is no trust so the person remains angry and outraged.

Coaching Yields Improvement

In her blog, Kelly Forrister, a trainer for David Allen, talked about her preparation for an upcoming triathlon.  One of her decisions was to hire a coach.

"I hired a Coach to help me get ready for my sprint triathlon on June 4th. He's got me on a 32-day program of tracking my workouts, integrating personal affirmations and setting goals. "

Debbie Weil, over at BlogWrite for CEOs, has used the same approach:

“I'm currently working with a tremendous speaking coach, Clarice Scriber, to take my speaking skills to the next level. It's humbling, a little painful... and fascinating (in a weird way) to watch yourself on video and realize how many ways you can improve your delivery.”

Coaches seem to be required, advised, and appreciated in various careers that involve competition.  In other professions, such as sales, management, and education, the involvement of a “coach” seems to signal an impending career derailment.  The coach is sought out by the individual themselves, or is mandated by a superior to reverse a perceived negative trend in performance.  Sometimes the coach is a peer, who is an outstanding performer, or the coach may be the supervisor themselves.