The Negative Perception of Talking Too Much

Last month, a teacher came to me for some help.  He wanted to move to a different school district, which required applying and progressing through a series of interviews.  He asked for coaching assistance for the interview stage of the process.  This is something that I often do for teachers, since I have some knowledge of what they will face.

Meeting with the teacher, I coached him as to what school administrators looked for in a prospective teacher.  I advised him to keep a few key things in mind about how to probe to find the school’s weakness that they were trying to bolster with the new hire and how to “sell” his skills to solve that particular principal’s needs.  As I began the first practice interview to establish a baseline from which to measure his progress, something became very clear:  He couldn’t stop talking.  I would ask a 30 second question and he would drone on and on for at least 10 – 15 minutes — or so it seemed.  He lost me very quickly, as his topics branched off in unpredictable tangents.  Targeting this bad habit, we conquered it and was able get him to be concise.  He got the job.

Brevity is king in the business world.  Resumes and memos should be no longer than one page.  Speeches should be 15 minutes or less.  Jack Valenti, president of the Motion Picture Association of America, advised even shorter speeches for those following other speakers on a program, even down to just a few minutes for those speaking after the meal or at the end of the program.   Pitching a product or song?  You’ve got 30 seconds to hook the customer, otherwise, they are gone.  Web pages designed for reading should be a screen length with very little additional scrolling involved; the same should be held to emails:  one screen length…one topic.  Making a good impression?  Studies show that a human being takes less than three seconds to form a perception of a new person.

Learn to be concise.  Learn to brief.  Then, learn to be quiet…and just breathe.

ILRP

Comments

[Reg]

Nice article. Does the ILRP at the bottom mean this is part of a radio broadcast somewhere?

[Matthew Cornell]

Great post, and an excellent point. It's great timing, actually - I just read (in "Information Anxiety" by Richard Wurman) that (paraphrasing): "We have two ears and one mouth, and we'd be advised to use them in roughly that proportion." Cheers!

[ASL4U]

gone is the fine art of oration I take it. This is unfortunate. Our young are learning to isolate into an electronic world of computer screens and ipods - where they exist by and for and with themselves alone - and are unable to bear or manage face to face contact.
It will be interesting to see how this generation reinterprets procreation and the continuous face to face relationships required by children.

[Matthew Stibbe]

It pains me to read this because I KNOW I talk too much. In interviews, I take tons of notes to force myself to shut up but I struggle to do that in person. Any tips on HOW rather than WHY would be much appreciated!

[Zeph]

This is a really great point. It reminds me a lot of the "Elevator Speech philosophy" at my old job - if you can't describe the project you're on in the 20-30 seconds it might take to ride up in the elevator with your 'big bosses,' then maybe you don't really know what the heck you're doing in the first place. My only question is - uh - just how DOES one learn to be concise?? Any ideas? Any book or website suggestions? The Fine Art of Shutting Up is something that's always eluded me =P

[Clair Ching]

Sometimes people give unnecessary details immediately. I am personally learning how to choose which details are important especially in conversations.

[Sophia]

For ASL4U:

My tip would be, extrapolating from the article above, focus hard on what the person you're talking to has asked you. Try to give a small, not too small, but small, yet tantalizing answer, deliberately a little incomplete. Then wait a beat for the person to respond. They'll either express interest in hearing more or change the subject if they find that one dull... Either way, you'll know what direction to take the conversation in. Remember to have a giving spirit: give the other person a chance to contribute to the conversation. Works great in social circles! Cheers :-)

[Kurt]

I have never had a problem with interviews or resumes or any other stuff like that. However, I AM A MOTOR MOUTH MALE, everywhere else! I stress "male" for those who sterotype cause it's not just women. And no offense to gays, but no I am not gay! I mean I attract many women like a gay man, always in on women conversations. Not tring to be conceided, but I am a pretty good looking guy, constantly called hot by the ladies, but with my motor mouth, looks don't mean sh!t. I definitly do not defend this! I never friggen stop, like I'm overexcited. It sounds so easy to just STOP, but not for some, not for me. I constantly interupt people, my mouth gets foamy and dry, and even if their listening or not I STILL DON'T STOP. I have engaged in over 20 min conversations with myself, and talked for up to 6 hrs before on the phone. I do great on interviews actually, cause I've already talked the interview over and over OUTLOUD to myself and fixed it to make it perfect. I have noticed friends starting to avoid me. This can be VERY depressing. I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO JUST DEAL WITH ME! I WANT TO STOP! As stated above, "Any tips on HOW" to stop? I constantly read why it's bad and advice on how people can deal with motor mouths as if we all enjoy talking people to sleep. Some people luv to talk and wouldn't change for anyone. Then some people like me are sick of hearing there own voice as well as everyone else. It's sad to have such a stupid dilema, do I actually need treatment or something? It sounds so rediculous, but I KNOW I'm not the only one out there. I was diagnosed with ADHD so sometimes I'd feel I must be talking so much to get out what I'm going to say before I forget it! Cause the moment you interupt me, I can instantly forget what we were just talking about, proving just how "interesting" these conversations are. ("Interesting" was sarcastic for the slow people.) But if this were the case how come I know people with worse ADHD then me, but they don't say crap! And again I talk to myself. Not like psyco talk, for ex. I can't wait to tell my mother I got a new job. On the drive to her house, I will talk out loud, and explain things as if she were in the passenger seat. When I actually talk to her it's like "deja vu." I even answer possible questions she may have for me. And I'll keep telling myself, "shut up", but I don't. The ride is over 20 minutes, the radio is off and I talk to myself the whole way just to do it all over again in person. Why? Who friggen knows! So if you have any advice again on "HOW" to stop or where to go, then can you please let me know, or anyone let me know. My e-mail is kfreitas26@hotmail.com. Subject the message as "Talking Too Much" For those who e-mail just to poke fun, your wasting your time cause it doesn't phase me at all. And "just shut up" is not advice!! or if you suffer from this too, contact me, I'll contact you when I get some better advice and answers.