How to Lose Friends and Alienate People With Email - Pt. 2

Sending email to aggravate someone is easy.  There are so many tactics at one’s disposal.  Initiative is even on the side of the sender.  But, if there is a person who has gotten your thong in a knot and they seem to be begging for a good pimp-slapping, there are some things that you can do when you're on the receiving end of the email.  The amount is not as copious as for the sender, but they can be just as effective.

• Ignore their email – So many people assume that since email gets there faster, you’ll read it faster.  Make that someone feel more special by letting their email “breathe” for awhile in your inbox.  Remember, you want to be at your best when you read it.  Being your best takes time.  This is especially effective if the sender has marked it “Urgent”.  Remember, your urgent and their urgent are different.  Yours is more important.  You can stay ahead of them by reading the email, but not letting them know that you have.  You can do that if you…
• Configure your email client to not send receipts automatically – Obnoxious senders will request a read receipt to make sure you got their email and put you on the spot.  How dare them use your tactic!  Short-circuit their attempts by not sending one to them.
• Use the “Reply to all” button — Use this if the email is sent to a lot of people and the subject is sensitive or confidential.  If the sender is doing some damage control on a mistake, capitalize on this now while everyone can know it.
• Ignore the topic when you reply — When you finally get around to replying to the person’s email, ignore the topic of the original email.  Even better, just send the reply but don’t write anything.  Later, send an email back why the person hasn’t replied to you.  For more fun, mention the deadline they “missed”. 
• Forward their email to someone else — This works best with sensitive and confidential material.  Someone admits to spending quality time with that special someone?  I’ll bet their spouse would enjoy reading about that.  Go ahead, hit that forward button!  A real knee-slapper!
• Misspell their name – No other word, in any language, is more important than one’s own name.  Use it and misspell it often.
• All of yesterday’s suggestions about spelling, caps, punctuation, etc, still count – Use them to your heart’s content!

Short but sweet.  By using these techniques, you can make anyone hate just thinking of you!

Seriously…

It doesn’t take being the originator of an email to make mistakes that aggravate and undercut our effectiveness with others.  Avoid these to increase your credibility.

If you use these intentionally, use them at your own peril!

Go to Part 1 and Part 3

Comments

[Rob Reed]

My alltime favorite business tactic: Do not in any way shape or form actually answer the question that you are asked. In fact, you don't really even have to read their email...just skim it. Instead, in your reply, answer the question you think they should have asked. Make your correspondent repeat the question in subsequent emails. Keep this up as long as you like!

[brett]

Good series, but I would quibble with #1 slightly. Just because someone sends me an email doesn't mean that I am obligated to read it immediately. In fact, it's aggravating when someone sends you an email and then pops into your office 30 seconds later to say, "What do you think?" Obviously, it's not cool to completely ignore someone's email, but if you have time set aside every day to review your email, it seems to me that it's OK to let new email stagnate until that review period. This article is a little old but makes some excellent points about email:

http://www.w-uh.com/articles/030308-tyranny_of_email.html

[Bert]

I agree that the expectation that we must answer email the second it arrives is unreasonable. That expectation really bugs me. There have been many posts on several blogs about checking your email no more that 2 - 4 times per day max. The first point means a loooooooonnnnnnnnggggggggggg delay, so long that it is clear that avoidance is the cause.

[Jon]

And yes, it IS true that my urgent and their urgent ARE different. To pretend otherwise would be a disservice to everyone who depends on me to get my work done.

[Bert]

Jon--

It depends...

Three points:
1) If you deal with customers or clients, your "urgent" and their "urgent" had better be the same or they will soon become someone else's customers. If you ignore them because something "bigger" is on your plate, they become insulted. They will give their business to someone else who finds their needs just as important as they do.
2) If you are the company president, then you don't have to worry about urgency, as your "urgent" is everyone's "urgent".
3) If you are not the company president and his/her "urgent" conflicts with yours -- well, it really doesn't matter what your "urgent" was after all, does it?

[Andy]

At the same time, responding immediately to a superior's email doesn't mean you're on top of things, it means you have nothing better to do than read your email...

[Bert]

Not necessarily. That's a matter of interpretation...the boss's interpretation. Not responding in a timely (not immediate, but timely) fashion, however, means you could be reading your email from home from now on.... :)

[Les]

I like reading your blog a lot, but this is sad. Why get into a pissing contest with someone over email? Why not step up and do the hard work of making life work with people? Why does anyone need strategies to piss people off over email? Sad.

[Bert]

Les--

With all due respect, I think you missed the point. The post was a humorous attempt at showing people what not to do. You're right, we don't need strategies to piss people off over email. Sometimes, however, humor points things out and makes them more memorable than just saying, "...here's what not to do."

[Andy]

"My alltime favorite business tactic: Do not in any way shape or form actually answer the question that you are asked. In fact, you don't really even have to read their email...just skim it. Instead, in your reply, answer the question you think they should have asked. Make your correspondent repeat the question in subsequent emails".

Or do like Amazon do, and make it impossible for the recipient of your non-reply to reply to you.

[Dan Ridley]

“All of ysterday’s suggestions about spelling” — was that intentionally self-referential?

[Bert]

Thanks, Dan, for finding that typo. As I said in an earlier post, everyone will have typos, but, hopefully, they will be the exception to the rule rather than the standard. The strange thing was that I ran the spell-check on this post. Hmmm. The perfectionist that I am demands that I go back and fix that. --Thanks!

[Mike]

Another way of really getting up someone's nose with email is never, ever use the New button. Instead, dredge up a mail they sent you 18 months ago and use the Reply button. Including the text or embedded photos from the earlier mail adds extra piquancy. Also has the side benefit of never having to go through the troublesome process of learning how to use an email address book

[Les]

Bert...

Good enough. Just wanted to get my 2 cents in there. Thanks for the response.

Les