Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

We all have people with whom we have to work to get things done.  Our ability to communicate with clients, customers, subordinates, peers, and superiors can enhance our effectiveness or sabotage us.  Many times, our verbal skills make the difference.  Here are 10 ways to increase your verbal efficacy at work:

1. Develop your voice – A high whiney voice is not perceived to be one of authority.  In fact, a high soft voice can make you sound like prey to an aggressive co-worker who is out to make his/her career at the expense of anyone else.   Begin doing exercises to lower the pitch of your voice.  Here is one to start:  Sing — but do it an octave lower on all your favorite songs.  Practice this and, after a period of time, your voice will begin to lower.
2. Slow down – People will perceive you as nervous and unsure of yourself if you talk fast.  However, be careful not to slow down to the point where people begin to finish your sentences just to help you finish.
3. Animate your voice – Avoid a monotone.  Use dynamics.  Your pitch should raise and lower.  Your volume should be soft and loud.  Listen to your local TV news anchor; take notes.
4. Enunciate your words – Speak clearly.  Don’t mumble.  If people are always saying, “huh,” to you, you are mumbling.
5. Use appropriate volume – Use a volume that is appropriate for the setting.  Speak more softly when you are alone and close.  Speak louder when you are speaking to larger groups or across larger spaces.
6. Pronounce your words correctly – People will judge your competency through your vocabulary.  If you aren’t sure how to say a word, don’t use it.
7. Use the right words – If you’re not sure of the meaning of a word, don’t use it.  Start a program of learning a new word a day.  Use it sometime in your conversations during the day.
8. Make eye contact – I know a person who is very competent in her job.  However, when she speaks to individuals or groups, she does so with her eyes shut.  When she opens them periodically, she stares off in a direction away from the listener.  She is perceived as incompetent by those with whom she consults.  One technique to help with this is to consciously look into one of the listener’s eyes and then move to the other.  Going back and forth between the two (and I hope they only have two) makes your eyes appear to sparkle.  Another trick is to imagine a letter “T” on the listener’s face with the cross bar being an imaginary line across the eye brows and the vertical line coming down the center of the nose.  Keep your eyes scanning that “T” zone.
9. Use gestures – Make your whole body talk.  Use smaller gestures for individuals and small groups.  The gestures should get larger as the group that one is addressing increases in size.
10. Don’t send mixed messages – Make your words, gestures, facial expressions, tone, and message match.  Disciplining an employee while smiling sends a mixed message and, therefore, is ineffective.  If you have to deliver a negative message, make your words, facial expressions, and tone match the message.

Improving your communication skills will improve your productivity.

Comments

[Sarah Eaton]

I like suggestions 2-10, but working on lowering your voice? Yikes. Is that to make it more manly, perchance?

[Bert]

No, not manly, just lower. Many women have a very authoritarian voice without dipping down into the male range. If you think of it in chorus terms, think alto, not soprano.
:)
Bert

[Big Time Patriot]

The old fashioned methods of lowering your voice are out of favor, smoking from youth was good for helping you get that low "gravelly" tone in your voice (between the coughing of course)..

[Russell Johnston]

Be very careful with tip 9 - in all primates steady staring is perceived as being physically aggresive or threatening. Moving around the T helps, but make sure you look away fairly frequently too, and try to take into account the cultural background of the other person - eye contact is considered disrespectful from subordinates in some cultures.

[James Cooper]

This is the worst advice I have ever read.. seriously, this list reads like something only a terribly insecure person would write. If you actually care about communicating, not just convincing the other person that you are an assertive asshole, try:

1. Listening more, talk less. Show interest in what the other person is saying.
2. Always try to see things from the other person's viewpoint.
3. Be honest about your needs and why you need them. Be open and direct. Never try to be something that you aren't: it simply doesnt work.
4. Don't try to impress the other person with how smart you are or use more words than you need. Most people find this irritating and a sign of immaturity. If you are nervous or shy, let them know that you are. It will make both of you feel better.
5. And most importantly: Be nice and be yourself!!

[Bert]

James--

Man, I've touched nerve, haven't I? It sounds like you've been on the bad end of a few conversations. By your comments, I'm inferring that your communication may have helped create the negative tones of those conversations. Please indulge me...

A few points:

1. Of course listening is important. In fact, it's so important that it deserved it's own post. Some people would just throw it out there in one line and leave it at that (Oops, you did that didn't you, James?). There are many other aspects of communication that were outside the scope of this post, but are important. They, in turn, will get their own posts and include, asking questions, screening out distractions, asking for feedback to be sure the right message was delivered, giving the speaker our undivided attention, and most importantly, thinking before speaking (I'd recommend that one for you, James). I'm writing a blog, here, James, not a book. But even if you want the comparison, you might want to consider a post like a chapter or section. You don't throw everything into the first chapter, now, do we?

2. Your third and fourth points imply that one might be using communication to manipulate. No one said anything about using verbal communication to manipulate in my post -- just to be more aware of how your outgoing communication is perceived so that your true message is what is delivered to the receiver. Where, exactly, did you get that, James?

3. Constructive criticism, among other things, requires a logical discussion as to the accuracy of what was written or to errors in logic which an author may have made. It could also be that the criticism may point out an incorrect conclusion based on the evidence provided. You, James, did none of this but just brought up, in a condescending way, that you noticed that I had left out what, obviously, must be your stock communication advice -- and you never simply asked why, did you, James? By the way, here's a free lesson for you, James -- Constructive criticism would be something like this: Your statement to be nice is a sweet cliche, but you offer no objective advice on how to do it. Here's a tip, James, when trying to be nice, avoid the word "asshole" in your comment. It's inflammatory (no pun intended) and naturally brings out a negative emotional response in one's listeners. See how that works?

4. Your fifth point is extremely interesting and telling. I'm wondering if you consider yourself a nice person. Your comment certainly wasn't "nice", as it was negative in tone, dismissed all my points as wrong without presenting any support for doing so, and implied that those of us who do care how we come across are "irritating" and immature. It's a shame you didn't take your own advice in your fifth point, James. You may have been yourself, but you certainly were not nice. If you knew that already, your credibility is shot here. If you thought you were being nice, you, obviously, need to become more aware of how you are coming across in your communication. Again, your credibility on this topic is shot here.

Hey, James -- I'm thinking of doing a post on how not to do an effective criticism of a blog post. Your comment would be a great resource for it. I'll also schedule a future post on how to communicate better in print. Trust me on this, James, you need it. I'll email you when I post it, Buddy.

For the rest of you, I beg your forgiveness for what appears to be a straying from my normal standards, but sometimes, sarcasm can be a very effective communication tool as well, especially when responding to a bully.

Have a great night, all!

[James Cooper]

See above for what i find frustrating about how so many people talk to each other in business and in life -- said response uses way too many words, comes across as contrived and manipulative, is technical and obsessed with rules to the point of anal retention, and is, as we see, ultimately arrogant and ego-driven. Bert I don't read your blog-- and yes i'm sure it is a wonderful online book with chapters etc-- but basically the problem I saw with your post (and the whole "mind-hack" thing i see everywhere) is that what it does is tell people that they can 'hack' themselves and change who they are... ie. change the natural sound of your voice... ie change the way your body moves and gestures... change the way your mind behaves. I guess im not really an expert, but in my opinion this is the worst advice you can give someone. Trying to fight against who you are only leads to more insecurity and isolation in the end (and possibly long-term depression). Thats how i feel anyway. The whole mindhack thing reminds me of one of those audiocasettes advertisements you see in magazines that promise you will "immediately impress people and win friends overnight!". Its obviously retarded but nonetheless still bought into by lots of desperate people. Anyways... you were right to call me out as hypocrite for not being nice in my comment. But, as you know, lots of people follow your advice. And, as you can see, it really annoys me!!!

[Eelco]

James,

learning new communication skills mainly means you'll have to become somewhat more self-conscious. I don't think you'll need to change 'who you are' or 'the way your mind behaves' to learn to use gestures when talking, or any other of the ten points. I can imagine you find it frustrating when given such advice in a fairly simple manner, while actually following it is infinitely harder. Although the way one communicates is something that is learned early in live, it's not impossible to 'relearn' certain things, but if you want to, accept that it will take a lot of time.

[Bert]

James--

First, I'm choosing not to respond to your opinions of me and what I do. Perhaps by doing that, we can get to the heart of the matter more quickly.

I come from the perspective that nothing in life is pre-determined. Believeing otherwise would mean that I am simply a pawn in this life with no power of choice, that life is simply something that is done to me instead of something that I have some control over. It would also mean that my destiny is dictated by the whim of others or by circumstance. Instead, I believe that my life is a blank canvas and I can paint it as I would like. This means that I can take actions to improve myself and make me a better person. Call them Life Hacks (a term that I've only been aquainted with for a couple of months), self-improvement strategies, NLP, or whatever, I figure that anything that gives me a better quality of life or improves one of my relationships is something worth having or doing. Sometimes, they are simple (like the 10 ways to improve communication) and sometimes they are very complex (like different philosophies) and take a lot of work and time, but the major qualification is whether they work. Sometimes, my own limiting beliefs are the hardest part of implementing some of the things I learn. In my blog, I pass along only what has worked for me, my subordinates, friends, and family. I am also very big on research and will pass along what studies have found to be effective. Sometimes things that appear simple are actually stakes in the ground that remind us of the more complex. There is a difference between simple and simplistic, and I try to avoid the simplistic. All I can say is that if you are pleased with the results that you've been getting in your life, I'm pleased for you. Go forth and prosper. The rest of us are on a quest for improvement, whether it be academically, physically, socially, mentally, or financially. We know that we have not peaked in our achievements, no matter how successful we presently are, and know that the best is still out there, waiting for us. However, it does not seek us out; we have to make the journey to it. I would hate to think that my best has passed and is only a memory.

I am pleased, though, that in your second comment you've shared a little bit about where you are coming from in your beliefs. I hope that in this comment, I've done the same -- hey, James, we're communicating!

I wish you well.

[julius]

I have to disagree with #2.

People who talk slowly drive me crazy. I also am quick to judge someone as dim-witted if they don't talk quickly. Talking slowly is a waste of everyone's time.

And #1 -- a bit sexist, no? I would say, talk how you are comfortable talking, otherwise others will think you're a weirdo.