Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

We all have people with whom we have to work to get things done.  Our ability to communicate with clients, customers, subordinates, peers, and superiors can enhance our effectiveness or sabotage us.  Many times, our verbal skills make the difference.  Here are 10 ways to increase your verbal efficacy at work:

1. Develop your voice – A high whiney voice is not perceived to be one of authority.  In fact, a high soft voice can make you sound like prey to an aggressive co-worker who is out to make his/her career at the expense of anyone else.   Begin doing exercises to lower the pitch of your voice.  Here is one to start:  Sing — but do it an octave lower on all your favorite songs.  Practice this and, after a period of time, your voice will begin to lower.
2. Slow down – People will perceive you as nervous and unsure of yourself if you talk fast.  However, be careful not to slow down to the point where people begin to finish your sentences just to help you finish.
3. Animate your voice – Avoid a monotone.  Use dynamics.  Your pitch should raise and lower.  Your volume should be soft and loud.  Listen to your local TV news anchor; take notes.
4. Enunciate your words – Speak clearly.  Don’t mumble.  If people are always saying, “huh,” to you, you are mumbling.
5. Use appropriate volume – Use a volume that is appropriate for the setting.  Speak more softly when you are alone and close.  Speak louder when you are speaking to larger groups or across larger spaces.
6. Pronounce your words correctly – People will judge your competency through your vocabulary.  If you aren’t sure how to say a word, don’t use it.
7. Use the right words – If you’re not sure of the meaning of a word, don’t use it.  Start a program of learning a new word a day.  Use it sometime in your conversations during the day.
8. Make eye contact – I know a person who is very competent in her job.  However, when she speaks to individuals or groups, she does so with her eyes shut.  When she opens them periodically, she stares off in a direction away from the listener.  She is perceived as incompetent by those with whom she consults.  One technique to help with this is to consciously look into one of the listener’s eyes and then move to the other.  Going back and forth between the two (and I hope they only have two) makes your eyes appear to sparkle.  Another trick is to imagine a letter “T” on the listener’s face with the cross bar being an imaginary line across the eye brows and the vertical line coming down the center of the nose.  Keep your eyes scanning that “T” zone.
9. Use gestures – Make your whole body talk.  Use smaller gestures for individuals and small groups.  The gestures should get larger as the group that one is addressing increases in size.
10. Don’t send mixed messages – Make your words, gestures, facial expressions, tone, and message match.  Disciplining an employee while smiling sends a mixed message and, therefore, is ineffective.  If you have to deliver a negative message, make your words, facial expressions, and tone match the message.

Improving your communication skills will improve your productivity.

Comments

[Sarah Eaton]

I like suggestions 2-10, but working on lowering your voice? Yikes. Is that to make it more manly, perchance?

[Bert]

No, not manly, just lower. Many women have a very authoritarian voice without dipping down into the male range. If you think of it in chorus terms, think alto, not soprano.
:)
Bert

[Big Time Patriot]

The old fashioned methods of lowering your voice are out of favor, smoking from youth was good for helping you get that low "gravelly" tone in your voice (between the coughing of course)..

[Russell Johnston]

Be very careful with tip 9 - in all primates steady staring is perceived as being physically aggresive or threatening. Moving around the T helps, but make sure you look away fairly frequently too, and try to take into account the cultural background of the other person - eye contact is considered disrespectful from subordinates in some cultures.

[James Cooper]

This is the worst advice I have ever read.. seriously, this list reads like something only a terribly insecure person would write. If you actually care about communicating, not just convincing the other person that you are an assertive asshole, try:

1. Listening more, talk less. Show interest in what the other person is saying.
2. Always try to see things from the other person's viewpoint.
3. Be honest about your needs and why you need them. Be open and direct. Never try to be something that you aren't: it simply doesnt work.
4. Don't try to impress the other person with how smart you are or use more words than you need. Most people find this irritating and a sign of immaturity. If you are nervous or shy, let them know that you are. It will make both of you feel better.
5. And most importantly: Be nice and be yourself!!

[Bert]

James--

Man, I've touched nerve, haven't I? It sounds like you've been on the bad end of a few conversations. By your comments, I'm inferring that your communication may have helped create the negative tones of those conversations. Please indulge me...

A few points:

1. Of course listening is important. In fact, it's so important that it deserved it's own post. Some people would just throw it out there in one line and leave it at that (Oops, you did that didn't you, James?). There are many other aspects of communication that were outside the scope of this post, but are important. They, in turn, will get their own posts and include, asking questions, screening out distractions, asking for feedback to be sure the right message was delivered, giving the speaker our undivided attention, and most importantly, thinking before speaking (I'd recommend that one for you, James). I'm writing a blog, here, James, not a book. But even if you want the comparison, you might want to consider a post like a chapter or section. You don't throw everything into the first chapter, now, do we?

2. Your third and fourth points imply that one might be using communication to manipulate. No one said anything about using verbal communication to manipulate in my post -- just to be more aware of how your outgoing communication is perceived so that your true message is what is delivered to the receiver. Where, exactly, did you get that, James?

3. Constructive criticism, among other things, requires a logical discussion as to the accuracy of what was written or to errors in logic which an author may have made. It could also be that the criticism may point out an incorrect conclusion based on the evidence provided. You, James, did none of this but just brought up, in a condescending way, that you noticed that I had left out what, obviously, must be your stock communication advice -- and you never simply asked why, did you, James? By the way, here's a free lesson for you, James -- Constructive criticism would be something like this: Your statement to be nice is a sweet cliche, but you offer no objective advice on how to do it. Here's a tip, James, when trying to be nice, avoid the word "asshole" in your comment. It's inflammatory (no pun intended) and naturally brings out a negative emotional response in one's listeners. See how that works?

4. Your fifth point is extremely interesting and telling. I'm wondering if you consider yourself a nice person. Your comment certainly wasn't "nice", as it was negative in tone, dismissed all my points as wrong without presenting any support for doing so, and implied that those of us who do care how we come across are "irritating" and immature. It's a shame you didn't take your own advice in your fifth point, James. You may have been yourself, but you certainly were not nice. If you knew that already, your credibility is shot here. If you thought you were being nice, you, obviously, need to become more aware of how you are coming across in your communication. Again, your credibility on this topic is shot here.

Hey, James -- I'm thinking of doing a post on how not to do an effective criticism of a blog post. Your comment would be a great resource for it. I'll also schedule a future post on how to communicate better in print. Trust me on this, James, you need it. I'll email you when I post it, Buddy.

For the rest of you, I beg your forgiveness for what appears to be a straying from my normal standards, but sometimes, sarcasm can be a very effective communication tool as well, especially when responding to a bully.

Have a great night, all!

[James Cooper]

See above for what i find frustrating about how so many people talk to each other in business and in life -- said response uses way too many words, comes across as contrived and manipulative, is technical and obsessed with rules to the point of anal retention, and is, as we see, ultimately arrogant and ego-driven. Bert I don't read your blog-- and yes i'm sure it is a wonderful online book with chapters etc-- but basically the problem I saw with your post (and the whole "mind-hack" thing i see everywhere) is that what it does is tell people that they can 'hack' themselves and change who they are... ie. change the natural sound of your voice... ie change the way your body moves and gestures... change the way your mind behaves. I guess im not really an expert, but in my opinion this is the worst advice you can give someone. Trying to fight against who you are only leads to more insecurity and isolation in the end (and possibly long-term depression). Thats how i feel anyway. The whole mindhack thing reminds me of one of those audiocasettes advertisements you see in magazines that promise you will "immediately impress people and win friends overnight!". Its obviously retarded but nonetheless still bought into by lots of desperate people. Anyways... you were right to call me out as hypocrite for not being nice in my comment. But, as you know, lots of people follow your advice. And, as you can see, it really annoys me!!!

[Eelco]

James,

learning new communication skills mainly means you'll have to become somewhat more self-conscious. I don't think you'll need to change 'who you are' or 'the way your mind behaves' to learn to use gestures when talking, or any other of the ten points. I can imagine you find it frustrating when given such advice in a fairly simple manner, while actually following it is infinitely harder. Although the way one communicates is something that is learned early in live, it's not impossible to 'relearn' certain things, but if you want to, accept that it will take a lot of time.

[Bert]

James--

First, I'm choosing not to respond to your opinions of me and what I do. Perhaps by doing that, we can get to the heart of the matter more quickly.

I come from the perspective that nothing in life is pre-determined. Believeing otherwise would mean that I am simply a pawn in this life with no power of choice, that life is simply something that is done to me instead of something that I have some control over. It would also mean that my destiny is dictated by the whim of others or by circumstance. Instead, I believe that my life is a blank canvas and I can paint it as I would like. This means that I can take actions to improve myself and make me a better person. Call them Life Hacks (a term that I've only been aquainted with for a couple of months), self-improvement strategies, NLP, or whatever, I figure that anything that gives me a better quality of life or improves one of my relationships is something worth having or doing. Sometimes, they are simple (like the 10 ways to improve communication) and sometimes they are very complex (like different philosophies) and take a lot of work and time, but the major qualification is whether they work. Sometimes, my own limiting beliefs are the hardest part of implementing some of the things I learn. In my blog, I pass along only what has worked for me, my subordinates, friends, and family. I am also very big on research and will pass along what studies have found to be effective. Sometimes things that appear simple are actually stakes in the ground that remind us of the more complex. There is a difference between simple and simplistic, and I try to avoid the simplistic. All I can say is that if you are pleased with the results that you've been getting in your life, I'm pleased for you. Go forth and prosper. The rest of us are on a quest for improvement, whether it be academically, physically, socially, mentally, or financially. We know that we have not peaked in our achievements, no matter how successful we presently are, and know that the best is still out there, waiting for us. However, it does not seek us out; we have to make the journey to it. I would hate to think that my best has passed and is only a memory.

I am pleased, though, that in your second comment you've shared a little bit about where you are coming from in your beliefs. I hope that in this comment, I've done the same -- hey, James, we're communicating!

I wish you well.

[julius]

I have to disagree with #2.

People who talk slowly drive me crazy. I also am quick to judge someone as dim-witted if they don't talk quickly. Talking slowly is a waste of everyone's time.

And #1 -- a bit sexist, no? I would say, talk how you are comfortable talking, otherwise others will think you're a weirdo.

[Bert]

Hi, Julius --

Not slow enough to drive you crazy. It's just that nervousness tends to make us speed up. We all know that someone who makes you want to drag the sentence from their mouths and that's not what I'm talking about. :)

Re #1 - again, nervousness tends to tighten the vocal chords, causing the voice to go higher. I'm not talking about lowering the voice into the James Earl Jones range (although I'd just about give my right arm for a voice like that), so I'm not being sexist. Just a little lower to cancel the effects of the nervousness. An alto is still a female. And no one says one has to keep one's voice in the low range. Some women I know have very natural voice, who lower their pitch when they need to make a point.

Have a great day!

[Hafeez]

Some more points.

1) Have something to communicate about!
2) Listen.
3) Style of communication depends on what you want to communicate.

A large part of communicating is having something valid to say and surpressing the need to say something just to be heard or feel present. I know this sounds vain, but my communication skills just naturally went up whenever I stopped opening my mouth until I knew I had something valid I wanted to get through.

Listening to what the other person is saying - by listening I mean hearing what they are saying, understanding where they are coming from and responding accordingly (wich may involve dismissing them :)

Style - I know this sounds ridiculous but I have had my martial arts teacher use a look and very few words to communicate a point, sometimes anger, sometimes joy. Not to diminish the value of what you are saying, but the delivery of the message you are trying to communicate may not suit the points you outlined.

[Bert]

Thanks, Hafeez! I have a whole post coming up on listening. Your comments on style ring very true. I remember how Johnny Carson used to make me laugh with only a look. Non-verbal communication does make up the majority of the communication that we send!

[Alexis]

A few notes, based on personal experience:

1) Develop your voice:

While I would personally tend to agree with your preference, I have found that as a woman with a naturally deep voice I've received criticism in the workplace for sounding "unfriendly." This was eventually determined to be solely the consequence of the octave in which I naturally speak, and it was requested that I start speaking in a higher tone of voice. No, I'm not kidding. Granted, this was in a fairly regressive work environment, but I would note that there may be a continuing double standard on this matter.

2) Slow down:

My only caveat here is that people's perceptions of one's rate of speech tend to vary highly from region to region within the US. No-one wants to hear someone sounding like Too Much Coffee Man, but at least in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast states, if you do not speak with a fair degree of expedition people are likely to think you're just unprepared, or as Julius noted, stupid.

3) Animate your voice:

I would not recommend following the dictum of emulating one's local TV news anchors. In many markets, they sound like Time-Life operators at best, or at worst sound vastly different from what people indigenous to the area actually sound like. It's very common in Southern metropolitan areas for all the anchors to sound like they're from Omaha, Nebraska rather than say, Atlanta. We could get into the stereotypical perceptions of regional dialects in the US, but I'd be worried about coming off like a snob if I tried to sound like I wasn't from my home area.

4) Enunciate your words:

Amen! Keep in mind that enunciation will do a speaker little to no good if they spend a lot of their time facing away from their audience... a bad habit I've seen in a lot of speakers lately, which seems to be largely a consequence of giving too many PowerPoint presentations.

5) Use appropriate volume:

Add to this that if you know that you are going to be speaking to a group in an area that is too large for you to comfortably project your voice across, ask for a microphone. The same applies if you know you're going to have to spend the majority of your time not facing your audience.

6) Pronounce your words correctly:

Thank you! "Nuk-u-lar" is *not* a word...

7) Use the right words:

...and neither is "irregardless." I would also avoid the excessive use of technical jargon, business-speak, or regional slang.

8) Make eye contact:

"Going back and forth between the two (and I hope they only have two) makes your eyes appear to sparkle." One person's sparkle is another person's twitch. I would also agree with Russell's point about eye contact -- personal comfort levels with eye contact (or the lack thereof) vary widely, particularly among different cultures.

9) Use gestures:

Be mindful that you don't want to look like you're trying to deliver a message in semaphore code. If you find that it still doesn't come to you naturally with practice, then just don't do it.

10) Don’t send mixed messages:

"Disciplining an employee while smiling sends a mixed message and, therefore, is ineffective." In this particular example, I would say you might also be sending the message that you're *enjoying* disciplining the employee, which can set up an unnecessarily adversarial relationship. I would say that consistency in tone of voice and body language is equally important when delivering neutral or positive information.

[Bert]

Alexis--

Thanks for all the comments! You raised some good points. I'm originally from the North and moved to the South, there is a distinct difference in the way people talk in the two areas. I routinely get the, "You aren't from around here, are you?" Speech is a little slower down here. It's a good point that one should listen to the local dialect and make the adjustments considering them. Good Point!
And yes, nuk-yu-lar gets me, too!

[patrick sebastian]

neuro-linguistic programming is the only resource you need for manipulating, i mean, communicating with people.

[Bert]

Patrick--

It can be used as a weapon, but only if you succomb to the dark side of the force...

:)

[Lia]

Coming from a theatre background and currently working in a senior high school in Japan, I found Bert's list to be quite timely and interesting given my situation. I'll just comment on a few of the points.

1. Develop your voice.
Going back to what James was saying about manipulating people, or changing yourself, and to the women's comments regarding lowering one's voice I have to stress that when you are speaking in public, it is a performance and should be treated as such. In theatre practice we learn to manipulate our voices to prepare us to play different characters/personas. Most people naturally have at least 2 personas: a home persona, and a work persona and naturally change the timbre of their voices to suit the situation.

In Japan, most women speak in a high nasally timbre when talking on the phone or to men. This wheedling tone annoys me to no end! But here it is culturally appropriate. Many of the female teachers at my school do this, but switch to an alto pitch when speaking with students. Some of them don't and those teachers often have problems with discipline.

(I'm female and a natural alto by the way.)

5. Use appropriate volume.
This is VERY important. As is asking for a microphone when you need it, as Alexis already mentioned. In a Japanese office environment this is a totally ignored skill. I've lost count of the number of times I've been trying to quietly work at my desk while 2 teachers across the room from me are having a one on one meeting and I can hear absolutely everything they are saying. This is just rude, as is speaking to someone in a loud voice when you are standing next to them - it is intimidating and breeds disrespect.

8. Make eye contact.
Again, this depends on the cultural situation. Japan is like North America in terms of eye contact and how it is used in person to person situations. I have struggled to teach students to make eye contact when they are giving speeches, and have taught them to look at people's hairlines and to scan the room, but occasionally focus on one person near the back of the room. This allows them to not have to immediately face their fear of eye contact, which makes the speech less powerful, and once they are generally comfortable, I find that they naturally start to add actual eye contact as people's faces are much more interesting than their hairlines! The trick with the eyes is to use a balance of scanning and focus. When scanning, move your eyes slowly. When focusing, choose one point and return to it a number of times.

9. Use gestures.
This is one of the most difficult things to teach people. When most people are told to use gesture, they shuffle their feet as well as move their arms. Plant your feet sturdily on the floor, not to say that you can't move around, but if your feet are planted, your gestures, whether small or large, have a lot more power to them.

[saravanan k]

dear sir
i can't accomplish a task successfuly due to perception problem . pls tell me how to improve my perception ?

[Gilbat]

I need good message

[Julian]

Gee, anyone ever heard of NLP questioning techniques?
I mean NLP is not necessarly manipulative. NLP can actually improve communication as well.

Other than that to be a good listner, you would have to read body language as well. Which is parly related to NLP anyway.

We're all different. We all think different. We all perceive things differently. There are not 10 rules, that work for everybody. Unfortunately this is a downfall to NLP, since more often than not, NLP assumes that the same rules apply to everyone(sorta like this article). Instead if we focused on specific people, we'd be sure to find less and more effective methodes to communicate with.

That's just my opinion.

- Julian

[vinayagam k]

dear sir,
This is very usful for me.But this is very
less information.i can't speak clearly.how to
speak clearly

[Bert]

My answer would depend upon where you are in the world. If you are in the US, I would recommend, if language usage is the problem, a class at your local community college. If you just have problems speaking to others, I would recommend joining your local Toastmasters International. They specialize in helping one develop speaking skills.

[Eric Sohn]

#1 is actually very true. Listen to yourself when you speak to various people - your boss, your friends, your family members, etc. You'll notice that the tone you take with your friends is distinctly different and, in my experience at least, somewhat lower in pitch.

It reminds me of Voice from the science fiction classic Dune. I definitely use pitch and pacing to create emotions and bonds.

Remember, the purpose of conversation is to accomplish some purpose: collegiality, persuasion, information transmittal, etc. The more you can bridge the gap between you and your audience, the more likely you are to be successful. And using a collegial pitch is a good piece of that.

[Eric Sohn]

May I add 3a? Animate your content. Break up what you say - with examples, anecdotes, jokes, related points, etc. People notice difference; monotonous content and structure is just as deadly as an actual monotone.