How to Say What You Really Mean

"Good afternoon, Mr. Webb's office, may I help you?"

"Yes, This is Bob Smith.  I need an appointment with Mr. Webb as soon as possible to discuss the situation involving the AYP project at his site."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Webb, cannot meet with you until late next week.  His calendar is quite full, I'm afraid."

With that, my secretary has just told my caller that I am so busy that he is considered unimportant, that his project is not a priority with me, and that, no matter what the topic is, I'm too inflexible to make adjustments in my calendar for priorities that arise unexpectedly.  Get in line, suck it up, and deal with it, Buddy.

This is not the message that we want to convey to our customers, clients, and, especially, our superiors.  But that was the message that was delivered.  Sometimes, it is not our subordinates who pass on this perception, it is us.  Simply by our word choices we convey more than we think.  We let others into our minds to see how we see and feel about our expectations, how we deal with disappointment, how we value our staff, if we are willing to take responsibility, if we are cooperative, if we are decisive, and if we are proud of our accomplishments.  All this through word choice.

Take a moment and listen to what you say throughout your day.  What hidden messages do your words convey?  Are you happy with what they tell about you?  If not, begin to consciously choose your words and phrases carefully to craft the unspoken message that should get through.

How should my secretary have have handled the caller mentioned at the beginning of this post?  Let's listen in:

"Good afternoon, Mr. Webb's office, may I help you?"

"Yes, this is Bob Smith.  I need an appointment with Mr. Webb as soon as possible to discuss the situation involving the AYP project at his site."

"I'll be very happy to make you an appointment; let me look at his calendar.  I see that he has two openings next week, one on Wednesday at 9 AM and the other on Thursday at 2 PM.  Which one would fit your schedule better?"

And with that simple turn of a phrase, 90% of my callers are happy to accept the appointment next week and feel positively about it.  She has said we welcome your appointment, that I am busy but have time for his concerns, and that I recognize his schedule is important, too.  Should the caller still feel that he needs to see me sooner, it would continue like this:

"But that's too late, our deadline is this Friday."

"Mr. Smith, may I have a number where you can be reached in the next couple of hours?  I'll personally speak with Mr. Webb to see if there is a way to work you in more quickly.  I'll call you back as soon as I speak with him."

I may or may not be able to accommodate Mr. Smith, but we have added the message that I am flexible and am willing to work with his deadlines as much as I possibly can. 

Another example:  a seventh grader has failed for the year and must repeat the grade.  The principal that I followed had told the parent repeatedly that the child did not make the required grades to move to the next grade level and that he was being retained.  The parent was furious, blaming everyone who had contact with their child in the school.  The problem?  The principal used certain words that would elicit a strong negative emotional response from the parent:  failed, retained, and repeat.  I came in and the parent approached me on my second day on the job of this particular school.  I did not change the result, the child was still retained (Although I do not like to see retention at this grade level, the child clearly did not have the foundation to support the next grade level's expectations and, as the new principal, deferred to the previous administration's decision due to their familiarity with the child, his abilities, and their efforts to support the student during the previous year.).  I did change, however, the way I delivered the message.  After telling the parent that I would carefully review all her child's records, I called her back and told her, "I have reviewed Sam's (not his real name) file, his classroom grades, and his portfolio of sample work.  I've given careful consideration to this and, based on the evidence that I've seen, have prepared a 7th grade schedule for Sam next year."  The parent thanked me for my consideration and accepted my decision with no further argument.  I purposely stayed away from those negative key words.  I also was careful enough to stay away from the word, "but", which is another word that elicits negative responses, opting to use the word "and" instead in my reply to the parent.

Begin to look at your word and phrase choices.  Consciously choose the hidden messages in your words and phrases to convey what you want them to.  Even more, train your staff so they, as the front line of your organization, broadcast the same positive hidden messages to your clients and customers.

Link:  What You Say Is What You Get : How to Master Power Talking, the Language of Success

Comments

[Cathy Lewis]

Wow, great post!! Points very well made, this is very useful advice.

[Connor]

"Get in line, suck it up, and deal with it, Buddy."

Heh - I just read the first few lines of the article and I mistakenly thought this was the type message you were recommending to send. About to put a flaming comment when I reread the article. Turned out to be a decent post - thanks!

[Jason Womack]

Thanks for the gentle reminder. It reminds me of when I was a high school teacher myself. As a younger teacher (I started teaching at 23!), I sometimes had to initate conversations with people twice my age; and sometimes these were difficult conversations.

My solution? I started, in my first year of teaching, calling 5 students per day. One at a time, from each class I taught, I would talk with the student about something I appreciated from or about them. Then, I'd ask to talk to their parent or guardian.

I shared something "good" with the adult at home. That "Joe" brought his supplies to class, or "Kerry" scored well on a recent exam. In the course of the course, I spoke to each parent a minimum of 3 times...this revolutionized my relationship (as well as solidified my reputation in the community!) with everyone involved in the learning process.

Thanks for a great reminder.

[Robin]

I'm curious about how you instructed your secretary about choosing her words differently. We have a similar situation and I'd like to learn how to teach my assistant to convey the message I want our customers to receive.

Thank you for a great post!

[Bert]

First, this topic, and all other productivity topics, have been compelling topics for me since high school, so I've been studying this for over 30 years. I already had this information and have been using it for years. So the knowledge with me was already there. The second piece was that my district encourages all schools to become "Red Carpet" schools in which is "customer"-based. They, as a district, provide training for all front line employees who deal with the public. They don't train employees in "power talking" so the only thing their training actually does is 1) establish a minimum in employee behavior and 2) sets the expectation that thinking of the customer first is a requirement. Since the expectation is there, I simply step in and coach. I have a short introductory discussion regarding this topic with my secretary and provide her with the text for study. Then, I coach as I monitor her informally while she answers the phone and deals with the public. I will pull her aside and tell her how she could have handled a visitor better or tell her how I saw her to a great job in dealing with a problem visitor. I'm specific with my praise (ah, there's my next post for Monday...Subordinate feedback). I found that, as time went on, she would approach me to tell me about an encounter, how she handled it, and then would ask me for feedback. I love it when a team reaches that level of trust that my subordinate will bring up possible areas of shortcomings and processes it together (Son-of-a-gun...There's Tuesday's post). :)